Tuesday, September 28, 2010


Recently my best friend Ted pulled from his impressive library of chick lit a book for me to read:
 Of Course You’re Still Single Take A Look At Yourself You Dumb Slut.
 Since I’m willing to try anything once - particularly when a slut is involved – I decided to read it and provide my blog readers with a fair and objective review.

Of Course You’re Still Single Take A Look At Yourself You Dumb Slut
Anita Appleby
A “book” report by Barney Stinson

This is a stupid book. There are too many pages, too much science, and despite the promising title, not nearly enough dumb sluts.

The basic thrust (heh) is that chicks should withhold sex from dudes in order to force them into a long-term relationship. Huh?! In the pantheon of all-time terrible ideas that ranks slightly above of “Bet I can outrun that bear” and slightly below “bring-your-neighbor’s-daughter-to-work day.” I mean, if a chick really wants to fool a guy into a long-term relationship there are only three surefire strategies:

1) Become fabulously wealthy… think “helipad”

2) Develop a drug that freezes your body as it was at age 22 while at the same time morphs your face into a different swimsuit model’s face every two-to-three days

3) 1 and 2

Perhaps the only palatable part is on the last page in the “about the author” section. As it turns out, Anita Appleby is smokin’. In fact, she’s so hot I wonder if she’s part Amish. That’s how good she is at raising wood.

You might enjoy this book if…

• Your friends are looking for a new way to relentlessly mock you

• You find comfort and inspiration in re-examining your dating life through the lens of neo-feminism

• You’re in the market for a doorstop so you can see the TV from the toilet

You might NOT enjoy this book if…

• You possess a pair of fully functioning testicles

• You’ve got better things to do with 3 to 4 hours of your time than pray you don’t start bleeding out your eyeballs

• The chick you’ve been trying to bang wrote the freakin’ thing

Monday, September 6, 2010

A lovely story

The alchemist knew the legend of Narcissus, a youth who knelt daily
beside a lake to contemplate his own beauty. He was so fascinated by
himself that, one morning, he fell into the lake and drowned. At the
spot where he fell, a flower was born, which was called the narcissus.

But this was not how the author of the book ended the story.

He said that when Narcissus died, the goddesses of the forest
appeared and found the lake, which had been fresh water,
transformed into a lake of salty tears.

"Why do you weep?" the goddesses asked.

"I weep for Narcissus," the lake replied.

"Ah, it is no surprise that you weep for Narcissus," they said, "for
though we always pursued him in the forest, you alone could
contemplate his beauty close at hand."

"But... was Narcissus beautiful?" the lake asked.

"Who better than you to know that?" the goddesses said in wonder.
"After all, it was by your banks that he knelt each day to contemplate

The lake was silent for some time. Finally, it said:

"I weep for Narcissus, but I never noticed that Narcissus was beautiful.
I weep because, each time he knelt beside my banks, I could see, in
the depths of his eyes, my own beauty reflected."

"What a lovely story,"alchemist thought.