Tuesday, September 28, 2010


Recently my best friend Ted pulled from his impressive library of chick lit a book for me to read:
 Of Course You’re Still Single Take A Look At Yourself You Dumb Slut.
 Since I’m willing to try anything once - particularly when a slut is involved – I decided to read it and provide my blog readers with a fair and objective review.

Of Course You’re Still Single Take A Look At Yourself You Dumb Slut
Anita Appleby
A “book” report by Barney Stinson

This is a stupid book. There are too many pages, too much science, and despite the promising title, not nearly enough dumb sluts.

The basic thrust (heh) is that chicks should withhold sex from dudes in order to force them into a long-term relationship. Huh?! In the pantheon of all-time terrible ideas that ranks slightly above of “Bet I can outrun that bear” and slightly below “bring-your-neighbor’s-daughter-to-work day.” I mean, if a chick really wants to fool a guy into a long-term relationship there are only three surefire strategies:

1) Become fabulously wealthy… think “helipad”

2) Develop a drug that freezes your body as it was at age 22 while at the same time morphs your face into a different swimsuit model’s face every two-to-three days

3) 1 and 2

Perhaps the only palatable part is on the last page in the “about the author” section. As it turns out, Anita Appleby is smokin’. In fact, she’s so hot I wonder if she’s part Amish. That’s how good she is at raising wood.

You might enjoy this book if…

• Your friends are looking for a new way to relentlessly mock you

• You find comfort and inspiration in re-examining your dating life through the lens of neo-feminism

• You’re in the market for a doorstop so you can see the TV from the toilet

You might NOT enjoy this book if…

• You possess a pair of fully functioning testicles

• You’ve got better things to do with 3 to 4 hours of your time than pray you don’t start bleeding out your eyeballs

• The chick you’ve been trying to bang wrote the freakin’ thing

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